Category Archives: HSP

Plan B

Plan B

So, I was supposed to go to a cookie swap last night, hosted by my mom’s group.  I had the 6 dozen cookies.  I had the cheese ball, the rosemary crackers, the assorted cheeses and pepperoni tray (we were supposed to bring an appetizer to share).  I had holiday earrings on.

What I didn’t have was a babysitter.  Andrew had to work late (he’s been working so hard lately) and by the time he got home, the party was in full swing, cookies already swapped.  If I had arrived late, me and my 6 dozen cherry-chocolate-almond oatmeal cookies, it would have been awkward – people dissembling their cookie varieties to try to make room for mine and to give me scraps from their plates.

And there’s the other thing.  That thing that happens every time I’m about to leave my house, where if a hurricane or blizzard suddenly appeared and I could not leave my house, I would be secretly so grateful.   I don’t know if this is HSP (anticiating all the social cues?  Worried about being on time?) or just an Erika-quirk. I am not allowed to cancel plans the day of, because if I could, I always would.  Movies, parties, classes, work – I’d cancel every time.

So, I was disappointed, sure.  I would have gone to this party if I could.  I would have had an amazing time.  But in that moment when I realized timing was not going to work, I was secretly so grateful.

Instead, I finished our holiday cards.  Andrew came home, and I had the crackers, cheese, and pepperoni out.  He made us drinks.  We sat by the Tree and watched a terrible-but-I-enjoy-it-every-year holiday movie called “The 12 Dates of Christmas” and addressed all those cards and it was actually a really nice evening.

Plan B was pretty good, actually.  Having those cards done (I’m going to post holiday cards for the first time since 2012 or 2013, I can’t remember) feels good.  Spending time with Andrew feels good.  Sitting by a tree with yummier yummies than usually in the house watching a bad movie feels good.

I keep reminding myself that eating all 6 dozen cherry-chocolate-almond oatmeal cookies would not feel good.  Wish me luck.

moving forward

moving forward

Shit.

 

I mean, really.  That our country selected Donald Trump over, well, over anyone else is just shit.

And I’ve been afflicted with the white upper middle class guilt trauma of it all – weeping, lethargy, sadness.  When my Kai looked up at me and said, “but, Mommy, what if Donald Trump doesn’t do his best?” and I assured him that of course he would, he’s our new President, and in my heart I wasn’t sure what that even looked like – he’d do his best to fulfill his horrific campaign promises?  He’d do his best to change his mind, alienating his voters, and sparking yet more class and regional division in our country?  Is there anything we can hope for here? – I just gave up for a little while.

Then we got a stomach bug.  “We” meaning Andrew and myself, and the ripple affects of that were being behind on all work – household, office, church, self-care, you know, our children.

Shit.

But here we are in a new week, and I’m currently focusing on three things.

  1. I’m a gosh-darn HSP, and so yeah, the back-to-back Holy Land trip and then Tump-pocalyse was going to kick my ass.  Too.  Much.  Feels.  My needing some buffer days of non-functioning wasn’t me being lazy or lame, it’s just how I roll.  And now I’m able to do my thing again.
  2. I am a sooooo privilaged.  Other than repealing the autism-specific help of the ACA, or shifting the focus of autism research back to the stone age of vaccine-conspiracies (both things Trump has said he’d do), I’m bullet-proof.  I have healthcare independant of the ACA.  I’m done having babies, and I have an IUD good through the whole Trump presidency.  I’m in a heterosexual marraige, I’m white, I’m Christian, I’m employed…I’m personally going to be fine.  SO – I can help others.  I can speak.  I can swing my white-lady opinions around and around.  And I will.
  3. But.  I am, above all, pro-Peace.  A follower of Jesus.  I will never forget that every human being I encounter is created in God’s image, and that the most important commandment, second only to loving God, is to love your neighbor as yourself…and everyone I meet is my neighbor.

That’s enough to work on for now, I think.